I am here.

It's been a while since I posted something. In the midst of earning a living, struggling to grow in a new city, finding time for my people; somehow time for words took a back seat. 

Meanwhile, struggling with severe anxiety issues and a spiralling self esteem, this post could probably be a revival for this sleeping blog. Here's hoping more time for regular posts.

I am here in flesh and bones

With the heart beating faster, breathing heavier.

I am here in full form and you see me “present”

Present… with a storm curling inside my guts.

You wonder why I slowly respond or, maybe, not at all

It’s to stop the guts from vomiting this storm outside

I am here… squashing my sentences short

Focusing on my breath that seems to take my heart’s side,

not wanting to slow down or pump less fear.

I am here with every inch trying to slow down

but the mind has a game of its own… finding spark plugs to keep the rhythm going.

Spark plugs. That’s what it is! 

Sparking emotions and reactions that you play tag with, each quarter of a second.

I am here just reacting to the storm inside.

Reacting is all I do to show myself the way out.

Don’t worry, it’s not what my mind’s telling me to do.

It’s my body putting up with the games of spark plugs and doubt.

Don’t worry, I’m still here… maybe looking like the mess a storm leaves behind

Don’t worry, I am here.