October 30, 2009

Photocopied days!

It’s been quite a while since monotony has taken full control over my life and turned it into what can only be called a comical tragedy of choices. Not that I’m the adventurous sorts or would go doing wild things just to live on the edge, but I never mind a little unexpectedness or adventure once in a while. Sadly, that hasn’t happened in quite a while and I feel like a cog in a wheel that never stops.

Starting work at six in the morning doesn’t sound that pleasant. Does it? Well let me affirm that thought for you. It is not! Especially when the mornings are cold and the air around you is at its best to make you sleep. Your eyelids are bearing the weight of dreamless nights and just won’t open. I get out of my bed, with my eyes closed, and figure my way to the bathroom. Heavy metal grunge playing through my head while I’m shivering in the chill of a cold winter morning Brrrrrr. If you ever want to jump start your day early in the morning, just splash your sleepy unprepared face with icy cold water and it’ll scare the daylights out of your dull head. But I call it self inflicted suffering. So, finally, that I’m awake, irritated and shocked early in the morning, the music in my head gets louder and the first facial expression for the day is a disgusting frown looking back at me in the mirror! My alter ego hates me at this time of the day. It takes some time to settle matters with her and repair that awful frown on the face till I’m staring back at what cannot be called a pleasant morning face but definitely a less aggressive one. My head still droops with sleep clogged in my brain. I pull myself through the rooms and drag my body that is the heaviest at this time of the day to fix myself a kick of caffeine. Honestly, coffee never wakes me up, but it’s just for the satisfaction that “At least I’m trying to wake up!” that I treat myself to a cup of coffee.

The hot steaming cup in my hand is like a radar guiding me to my computer. FUMP! I fall into my chair and stare at the machine. Widen my eyes a couple of times. The voices in my head telling me to go to sleep. Click! I start the machine. While it takes its own sweet time to start, I stare at the goosebumps on my arm. It’s cold. I need a jacket or something. Ah! too lazy! So I just sit there feeling cold and waiting for the machine to start. Waiting… waiting…waitiiiiiiiing! God! This stupid thing is slow! But you know, I always thought machines are way smarter than humans. They understand every emotion around them. It is like they sense the air around themselves and function accordingly! OK! I might be sounding like a total nut case right now, but yes I talk to machines. Crazy as it sounds, it WORKS! I pat the mouse a little. Put on a smile. And fold my hands before the machine, praying for it to start soon… and Voila! It does.

I want to start work right away. It’s 6.15 A.M. The sun has just started peeking. So I start off my music player. With respect to my beliefs that machines are really smart, my media player is always playing a shuffled playlist. And it manages to sense the “Air” around and plays exactly what I want to hear. My day starts with Collin Hay’s “Overkill”. Well! that manages to bring a true smile to my face. I love machines! They are better than dogs, babies or even boyfriends! I open the boring documents and start off typing like a brainless freak. Thinking how have I managed to change the world by doing this mindless work. But then the world doesn’t need me to change it. It does that work pretty well all by itself. All I want right now is the money that this mindless work is giving me at the convenience of sitting at home. Yes! I’m a freelance editor with a leading publishing house. I don’t have to bother with the nerve wrecking commutes, or the morning decision making riots of what to wear or which asshole I have to avoid during the day at work while I sit in a depressing cubicle limiting my life to the three walls. Instead I sit at home, comfortable and cosy doing my work any way I want to. But being a human, satisfaction doesn’t come that easy, does it? The comforts turning each day into a Xerox copy of another gets on to you. It’s like a vicious circle. The constant thought of how was my today different from yesterday irking you to break free.

That’s when it dawns upon me. I’m living a vacation. And I need a break from this holiday. I check out sites for a quick getaway. An escape. A moksha. A vacation from my circle of life.

October 27, 2009

No Time

The mirror tells me I’m still the same

Same as I was a second back

It’s hung there for a year or so

But it’s the same as it was a year back.

There’s no time, no time at all

No summer. No winter. No fall.

Can’t remember if I had a wrinkle a month back

The photos tell me… but the mirror just laughs

The present can’t trap what’s gone

It’s only the past that clings on.

The ant just lost a fragment of its life

as I stare at it for an hour.

But it walked almost a mile

While I sit sour.

Who would know the years

If the sun never sets down

Take off the past masking your fears

Smirk at that clock, turn time around.

There’s no time, no time at all

No summer. No winter. No Fall.

Counting seconds will make you lose an hour

Every morning you wait for night

And your bread tastes bland

‘Coz the last supper wasn’t right.

The monsoons you remember for the tears u wept

But forgot the spring that made you laugh.

What’s gone left a trail behind

And reduced your life to half.

There’s no time, no time at all

No summer. No winter. No fall.